1- Arrangements at fault, love too (Part-1)

“And they are about to be married.” Many of you, after seeing this first sentence can sense that something is going to be wrong here, as it’s the word “marriage” involved. Of course if this comes in end it’s indication of a happy ending. But in the beginning, little strange, and that’s the case here. Still you need not to worry it will not take much time before getting chaotic, but will take some of it.

She was so beautiful that in college days when classes not used to run properly, her friends used to call her for attending college, and it affects not only on attendance of students but even some of the teachers. Well rounded face with glittering dark eyes and hairs to match with it, an absolutely stunning figure, neither skinny nor flabby, seems like a well trained sand artist have given shape to ocean battling sands; which ads some more oohs! And aahs! to Follow.

In a small town, on the outskirts of Uttar Pradesh in 1982, under age marriage was not a big crime as now days, and if it is, then not considered by people. Even in those days glimpses of change in social structure were beginning to appear. For your introduction to the fact, it was not common for boy and girl to meet and see each other before marriage but that’s the case in the story of Shreya and Sahaj. Oh! I am sorry I forgot to introduce you to them; they are those about whom it is.

Their families arranged to see and meet each other, to know each other better before marriage and they saw each other for the first time right then. They merely talked each other; it’s more for comfort of their parents. But even of those in between questions she answered with confidence, in spite of little inherent usual nervousness she had the confidence of being literate. (Rare in that part for a girl to be a graduate what she was going to be.)

All fixed soon and before marriage one day, her mother called her and told only one thing to follow in her new life, “Now you are going to be married and I hope you lead a good life not one as mine, and only reason why I suffered my child is because I had to live on what your father said as you know it better.” With drops at the corner of eyes she continued,“It was not possible in our days to be independent. Before marriage we have to live under the guidance of father and brother and after that under husband. But now scenario is changing and that’s why I wanted you to study. Your sister not took it much seriously but you did and now it’s the hardest time to continue it but I want you to do it and I know you are capable of doing so, and after that you will be something on your own, and then you have not to live under any pressure, this is what I want. This is my wish for you, I don’t want you to bear that same humiliation which I had my child.” By the time she took her in lap soaked with tears.
On the other side family of Sahaj and he himself was very happy. Considering he was going to marry so well cultured, beautiful, and literate girl. Death of his father in early childhood when he was about to appear in board exams stroked his family fiercely. Because he was the only source of money to the family, the strike was both emotionally and economically very hard. Sahaj was dearest son of his father and in spite of being younger son; he bared all the responsibility of his family, of his mother and two brothers, one younger than him and one older. He did everything to feed his family from vegetable selling up to cart pulling. He was very laborious, sincere, innocent and honest from early days of school that’s why everyone liked him and he continued this for most part of his life.

It used to be heavy flood in that part of U.P. and canal of his village used to be in full flow. Sahaj’s school was situated on the other side of canal. He used to cross whole canal just for attending a class, while other friends refused to do so. When his uncle used to drive him to see for his cows, instead of going to school, he always left them in fields and runs away for attending his classes. His friends forced him even for smoking many times but he never followed them. He was favorite student of his teachers too, because with being good in studies he was very good in sports and singing. He even won 1st prize for his school team in singing at district level once. All and all he was the most favorite and dear one of school.

After the death of his father his family went in deep hole, he fought through everything when time was not on their side. He even had no footwear and walked barefooted in the months of May and June. When he walks on the road hot charcoal sticks with his foot, for getting some relief he walks in sand, beside the road, which proves to be even much hotter and so he runs on the road again. This process continues and by seeing so, people use to moan on his helplessness. Often people come forward to give him some money or help which he always refuses with furry.

His self respect not allows him to take anything cause he is ready to see him poor but not as a beggar. Children often wonder that if their mother has a soft and kind nature towards them why their father has a clustered one in comparison, the reason is that for advancement in life and it’s “hard to establish oneself” scenario a male becomes hardcore which reflects on his nature as well. But it’s bit hard to understand for forthcoming generations because in changing scenarios of society and because of economical enrichment, situations are changing and both individuals besides their gender differences living on the same plane, and going through with similar pattern of life.

The marriage got organized on due date and in a simple ceremony they Sahaj and Shreya got married. In that part there was a taboo of not sending the girl with the boy on the day of marriage but after some time, so it happened. After 6 months of marriage they met again for a ceremony, Gawana. Finally He got the right to bring Shreya at her house.

Continue...

"Go through it"

As it is said, best ideas always come in bathroom, same happened with me. As I was on a short trip to home. After a discussion with my parents I thought about freshen up, and right there in that bathroom first time I thought about writing a book and now it’s here. “Everyone’s life is far more interesting than fiction.” Often we hear this but it’s hard to believe, and the problem is about right outlook on our electrifying life. The most important thing we can do about it is to live life happily with a broad vision and slowly but steadily you will see that the story of your life is in the process of making. I am writing these stories for those who live there life in pain, that they are not able to do “this and that” instead of enjoying it, in the fullness. They need to realize and understand that whatever they have done is enough, that’s the best they can do, and next best to do with that to enjoy whatever you have. Just with remembering one thing, if you have not done anything wrong with anyone, nothing wrong others will do with you, and even if they do, you will have a satisfaction that you are not paying back of your in-saneness. 
Forwarding it,

With hope, this will help you doing so.

Someone’s

“Deepak”

A project for you.."I really don't know life at all"

After great love and support shown by my reader's for the short stories of my life, love,pain,sex,pleasure and life : my story. Now I have decided to come up with some more stories. I hope you will show same affection and will enjoy reading them even more.

So see you soon with an all new season of stories, Titled, "I really don't know life at all"

Epilogue- Love remains.

I, first of all would like to thank all of you, who read my stories. I beg your pardon for mistakes I have done and will envisage your appreciation if you like any or all part of my stories.

In the beginning as I had told you that this is true story of my life, similarly now I would like to suggest you that of course these stories are based on true events and connected with those events in such a way that they seem entirely real to you, especially to those who know me personally in a better way, but you got to understand that there is a fine line between fiction and reality. If an artist can not make you believe that the work of art, as, paintings, music, poetry or stories etc. are true then it all appears mechanical. For the sake of creating interest and wonder one got to believe that it's all real and true whatever he or she is experiencing. So did I.

Remember that we are not free till we can not do everything which we want to do in our own way, Society can't provide freedom but similarly it can't bound you, once you rebel.

Thanks again for reading and I hope you will support me for my future endeavors similarly and your love will always be with me, as, at last only love remains.

12- The last love- BHUMIKA (2)

I told them how I was living like a beast feeding on emotions of people. I cried throughout. All the condensed clusters and fog of suppressed pain which I was carrying inside me, in these three years was coming out. In the end I said, I don't know what to do but this is everything I ever felt. I wanted both of them to feel me and the things I had dealt with. I saw that Bhumi was also crying in between by seeing me cry and Roli saying sorry throughout. Sometimes later Bhumi stood up and said that she was leaving as she can't bear anymore, and she left. I said Roli also to leave as I wanted to be alone. As she left I called Bhumi and asked her to come back to me. She returned and we made love to each other, she had eyes full of tears and I had my heart empty from all the feelings after spilling out the pain which was the last feeling occupying my heart.
Few weeks later I kept dating Roli and also stayed in touch with Bhumi. Neither they decided anything nor I was in a situation to do so. I was happy although by the fact that I have spoken truth to them but unknown to the price I was about to pay for this truth.

One day when Roli and I was having a sip of tea at my place when Bhumi called. Roli picked up the phone and started shouting, Why you don't leave us alone and all such crap. I asked her not to say anything to Bhumi or she will be severely hurt which I had done a lot, but I won't accept that someone else hurts her. In spite of that she continued shouting on her. I snatched the phone and threw it away. I asked Roli to leave, right then. I don't want to see you again ever. She said she won't go till I don't tell her that what was going through. I had to choose between her and Bhumi. I replied, Bhumi never asked me to choose. She was with me at the time I was in worst phase and you were the reason of that phase and still I hurt her because of you. Just gate out and never show me your face again. She started begging and crying not to leave her like this. The girl I wanted to spend rest of my life with, from last 8 years was begging me to stay with her. I knew now that it's not the people, it's not their charm, it's not there emotions or feelings or behavior or anything, which makes you love them. It's your care, your feelings and your emotions which pushes you to love that person. My feelings for Roli had died long ago, three years back in those two months of suffering and I was just carrying a dead burden of those feelings on my shoulders. I grabbed her by arm and pushed out of my house. I still cared for her that how bad she must be feeling at that time but not loved her for certain. My love, my Bhumi was hurt and broken, earlier by me and now by Roli.

I wanted to talk to Bhumi but my phone was lost as I threw it away on road from my balcony. I went to search it but all in vain. I went to a telephone booth, asked sorry for whatever Roli said and for my surprise she said, it's o.k. That day I felt the worse in my entire life. I wanted to just grab her and hug her so tightly that no one can take us apart, but it was not possible. I knew I had lost my last love.

It's 2013. I started writing this story because, if you remember, as I had said earlier, I am not very good at making friends. I use to be silent for most of the time everyday. I just wanted to speak. To connect whatever is there in me with you, my readers. There are many things in my life which I could have shared with you, but I wanted to share these stories of my love. In my life by grace of God I have been endowed with every possible happiness, beside one, and that's me keeping my loved ones happy. I always hurt each and everyone who loved me. I don't want to love anyone anymore, just because I know that I'll hurt that person too. I don't even want your sympathies for this, I just want that you read all of this and take care of the fact that, "No matter what comes to your way, no matter what happens and what are the circumstances, never hurt the one you love, let him or her hurt you as much as they can and bear it with a smile, just remember that even if they are hurting you, there love increases with it, and it's always better to get hurt with the person you love rather getting hurt without the one.

Today, I don't have any contact with Roli, I heard from a friend that she got married in May this year. I did not even know the date or day when my dream girl choose someone else for the lifetime. I don't even care.

Today, I talk to Bhumika often, as always she is worried for me that what will happen to me once she will leave me. She is getting married anytime this year. She use to tell me about her about to be husband and I use to give her suggestions on few things, she likes to ask me about her new life and plans. I always use to tell her  that don't worry for me and just be happy in her new life. From bottom of my heart I just want to see her happy, anyhow, anywhere with anyone. I don't want to see her hurt or in pain as she was with me. It's only me, I can accept to hurt her, no one else. I use to remember the one thing Bhumika always used to say to me, 'One day I'll leave you and no matter how much you want, I won't come back to you. I know it now that no matter how much she try, she can't come back. I love her and so I have to leave her.

Today, I am just as alone as I had been from last 15 years. I use to be silent, almost entirely now. It's o.k. I am familiar with this lonesomeness, I have mastered it.

11- Last love- 'Bhumika' (1)

It was February 2011, I was sitting in fresher's function of our college. As I was enjoying curtain raisers, a dance performance got announced. A girl wearing white saree with red border, red kumkum and red bangles appeared on stage. It was hard to tell that weather her face was glowing whiter or her saree, which she was wearing. Red bindi of her forehead was not as red as her lips, that's for sure. Her skin was glowing brighter than the lights on the stage, eyes, light brown were making to feel like ground dusk is appearing in her eyes continuously and one could easily see through her eyes what's there in her heart. Hair, not much long or short but just about the perfect length, smooth like butter and golden, more than gold, were moving so freely here and there that watching them continuously was enough to hypnotize someone. Her dance moves were as mixed up with western and classical as it was hard to concentrate on one quality of her attire. She was about 5'4" but looked much taller than that in saree. The dance in which she was enacting some goddess, even if the goddess could have seen her, once should have thought to acquire her physical form.

I know, I was not supposed to see her like that as a good teacher, but all this moral thoughts about life were long forbidden by me. I solely believed in choice of my heart and authority of my mind, not societies .I was not seeing her as an object of pleasure as I used to do few days back, it was just a moment and in Keats' line, "A thing of beauty is a joy forever." I had seen her even earlier, she was in one of my classes I was teaching at that time, but never like this. She was like totally transformed into someone else. I congratulated her after the  performance, for it. She humbly thanked with a smile. I was unable to stop my urge to talk to her. I called her in evening and she told me that she was going in bus to her hometown. Throughout the journey we talked about things which didn't matter at all at that time, but we talked. In about one week we knew that we couldn't stop this urge to be in touch with each other all the time. This feeling was not new to me but it's revisit was even more thrilling and exciting. During the classes she used to make me laugh by smiling and I mostly used to smile back as I was unable to control once seen her 1000 watt smile. When I didn't smile back, she used to make her face like a monster and tries all the tricks, and after all sits silently with swollen cheeks. By seeing it, I was unable to control anymore and used to smile back. She loved her win at last. After my classes in her class for that semester we started dating and were formally in a relationship. She was a hosteler so she used to spend almost all the weekends with me. One year passed like it and I was very happy by the way things were going. Even my parents met her in one of their visit. She was not of my cast but our dedication to each other never let this creep in as a problem. We were sure that we will be together always, no matter what. Almost whole college knew about us now, but we were unknown and more than that fearless to it.

I was not so sure about our future earlier, as much I became after spending this one year with her. She was so childish and sweet that more than loving her I was worried for her and cared for her a lot. She loved non-veg and I didn't even had an egg throughout my life, still on Sundays to see her happy I always brought it. She was the one who really made me smile, laugh, dream and care for something, again, after years. We were happiest in this whole world, we never wanted anything beside each other, We loved each other like mads, days and nights, without worrying about anything happening outside. In each other's arm it felt like, every second which is passing we could have counted it, and still how hours passed, we were unknown to it. I wrote my first romantic love poem in her arms, I want you to feel all the passion which I had for her in this poem, titled, "May be physical only",-

“She lies very near to me,
Yet had some fear in thee,
Wondering what will I do?
Make her gay or let just woe.”                                                    

“Movement of her glittering lips,
Invited me and then she strips,
Lengthy we meet rarely apart,

And here the worldly love may start.”

“Her hands are slippery over my chest,
Feeling then get I one of the best,
Watching the wonders, never imagined before,
My soul is in heaven and body starts to shore.”                                                   

“Her blossoms are calm,
Like a resting child,
Suddenly as I touched,
They become wild,
I am in her and she stays in me,
Nothing more I wanted,
Nothing more can be.”

 “We meet like sylphs,
And our body gave it berth,
This love gets eternal,
Nowhere else then earth,”                                                            

“Sleeping like an angel,
She looks very bright;
Our love is stable,
Having gained a new height.”

It was not love for the first time, yet it felt like I never felt even half of it all the times earlier. I was getting it now that only physically being with someone and being with someone when you love that one with all the emotions, feeling and love you have, are entirely different things. I never said any lies to her, I had decided that I will be with her with all the truths. After knowing about my past she was little disappointed but soon our feelings which used to cover up all other things got it over and with a promise that we will never lie to each other and will be with each other forever, we were in each others lap again. We had our share of fights too on trivial matters but all that used to lost in front of our love.

Two things we always used to say to each other, She used to say that one day I will go, and you will always miss me but I could not return. And I always told her that people are endowed with power of loving someone only once, I am so lucky that I got this chance twice. 

After Roli, I was shattered and had became a monster, but you saved me from that, now I feel happy to share everything I had with you. All the love left in me, my feelings, emotions everything, just don't ever leave me or I will be left living only with flesh and breath, empty , and my soul will be lost forever this time.

All was going well till May 2012. Biggest turnover in my life started right in this month. On a fine afternoon when I was busy doing my work in college, my phone rang. Hello, the voice wished, I said, hello who's this? You don't even remember my voice now, a girl, in her very sweet voice, asked. I replied, sorry. I am Roli. How are you, I am in Allahabad, I got your number from Facebook. I want to meet you. She was talking continuously but I was lost in time, three years back in my memory lane. Last time I talked her, how I cut the phone, what she did to me, how she lied to me, how she treated me, and  most important of it all, what I became afterwards. Soon I went even back in my memory and then the time we spent together came in my mind. The same voice I used to hear and identify even if I hear it faintly, I was unable to identify it now, even on phone. I want to meet you idiot, I missed you, Suddenly her voice brought me back. Yes why not, when? I asked. She said, whenever you are free. Right now, I told. Right now? but how? where are you? she asked. I said, wherever you are, just tell me, I will reach there.

Here she was. welcoming me outside her hostel. She brought her hand forward and said hi. Instead of shaking hands with her I grabbed her hand and said, you have become thinner, don't you take care of yourself. It was unintentional, but that formality of shaking hands and all appeared useless at that time, I felt like she was with me just last month and I had gone to Dehradun to meet her. Where do you live here? I want to see, she asked breaking chain of my thoughts. Why not, I said. She asked, when? Right now was again my answer.

We were in my room. It felt like the same as we used to be in Hotel Gaurav in Dehradoon. Nothing felt different. She cooked for me for the first time. We eat. Laughed remembering old good times we shared. None of us asked about the way it ended, it not appeared necessary. As I was telling her how my life followed after her, suddenly a tear drop appeared on my cheek, She came close to me and kissed me there, and took me in her arms. We didn't leave each other afterwards, till next morning.

When I woke up and the thought of what I did last night came in my mind, I started feeling a stone on my heart. Burden of it was not letting me breath. I had done it thousand times till now. I had played this love game with a dozen but this time it was different. One was my childhood love and desire of life, Roli, and second was the girl who illuminated the light of happiness again to me, Bhumi. One was my passion and the other was care. I was tangled  I knew I love both of them but it was not possible..

I decided that if I make both of them meet each other and put the truth in front of them, some or other way will come out. I will tell them everything truly and then, will see what happens. I knew it was hard to do but I also knew that truth never goes waste. As I was deciding what to do, Bhumika's name appeared on my phone. I picked up the call. What she told me then, it was hard to believe. She said that her parents had beat her up and she had left her home and will now be with me. I didn't knew what to do and I didn't knew that what I was going to tell her will be the most regretful statement of my life. I told her, Roli is at my room, I can't come there to pick you up, if you want to, you can come. I heard her sobbing. She did not said a single sentence and cut the phone by just saying, o.k. I  instantly felt that I had committed the biggest mistake of my life. A girl who came to me by leaving even her parent's, I denied even to take her up. But I was unable to take my words back. I could give the most precious thing I have, for just one chance to reverse that moment and that day.

After one month Bhumika came to Allahabad spending her holidays. As I had planned earlier, I decided a date for them to meet. When Bhumika came to my room, Roli was already there. They said hi to each other.

We don't know at that time about few moments, that they will be life changing for us later. The same moment was it, which I later understood. We ordered Pizza and our conversation started. I said, you both know the truth and I have brought both of you here because I don't want to suffer anymore in my life. Right then a tear drop rolled on my cheek, As Bhumi tried to come up and wipe that, Roli wiped it with her hanky. A similar drop appeared on Bhumi's cheeks. I wanted to wipe it out but she said, So, continue, what were you saying? I am o.k. and wiped it herself. I continued..

Continue..